10 July, 2010

Broken News: Police Still on Hunt For Now Deceased Moat

By committing suicide, Raoul Moat, has escaped his own body, and now is a fugitive in the spirit world. "He has evaded us again", one frustrated police source admitted.

As Rothbury is pretty indistinguishable from Hell, he may not actually cross over to the other side, and could be threatening to haunt the police and other civilian targets. Former England footballer, Paul Gascoigne saw his friend Raoul hovering over a Kebab shop. Other members of the public have come forward with conflicting, simultaneous sightings. "His new spirit form is making our job that much harder," another police source averred, with a depressed introspective tone, and a sigh.

Using a team of crack mediums, Police are conducting a careful grid search of the Rothbury and Cragside areas. "This is just the sort of thing which shows why the Police Service should keep all of it's funding," yet another police source said flippantly, whilst constantly glancing at his watch.

As the search continues, outside consultants may be called in, including the Ghost Whisperer, Randall and Hopkirk, and the Ghostbusters.



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