02 February, 2010

Groundhog Day: My Senseless Predictions for Lost

Well, it's Groundhog Day, more famously known for the Twilight Zone meets Bill Murray film now than the annual winter length rodent prediction tradition. It's also James Joyce's birthday, the author whose stream of dreamconsciousness novel Finnegans Wake finishes in the middle of and begins in ending the same sentence, and uses numerical symbolism throughout with many other Jungian tropes. It's NOT the day traditionally used by Americans to make pork burgers (see Ground Hog Day).

However it is the premier day of the first episode of the 6th and final season of Lost, the enigma wrapped in a mystery wrapped in a conundrum of sci-fi TV phenomenon. There's so much going on remembering all the plot threads and possibly significant details would be like cramming for a law exam, and you might as well hope for the knowledge helmet from the Spock's Brain episode of Star Trek which allowed McCoy to perform naked brain surgery on our vulcan friend as if "a child could do it". I vaguely remember that the 5th series ended with the white flash of a hydrogen bomb, exploded on the theory of the physicist Daniel that it would act as a huge reset button -- ostensibly averting the original Oceanic Airlines flight 815 disaster and much of what has happened in five series of WTFuckery, not to mention the circumstances that sent half the characters including Juliet back to the 1970's so that she could try to detonate a nuclear bomb WITH A ROCK!

So given how un-clued up I am, you might want to take my predictions for the episode with a pinch of salt, or a vial of Strontium 90. Luckily for me I won't get to see the episode until the winds of broadcasting, or the internet waft it over the pond.

4. The First Episode of the Sixth Series is The Pilot episode. The atomic reset button hasn't quite worked as planned and the events are the same for about the first ten minutes, then the writers cleverly throw in slight differences that only the obsessive fans will notice until the last ten minutes where all the plotlines veer into distinctly new directions. This is a tribute to both Groundhog Day, and the first series of the Harry Hill show.

8. Aperture Science = Dharma Initiative
Enter the numbers --> Get Cake!

15. Gilligan, the Skipper, the Movie Star, the Millionaire and his Wife, The Professor and Mary-Ann land and are soon integrated into the Others. The Professor contructs an atomic fusion reactor using coconuts. Ginger and Mary-Ann have their Dharma Initiative coveralls ripped to skimpy shreds as they flee the smoke monster, Thurston Howell the 3rd, is revealed to be Charles Widmore, Lovey Howell goes feral as Danielle Rousseau, and Gilligan, Hurley and the Skipper share a bong.

16. Juliet, holding the rock tries hitting the bomb for the ninth time. "Owwwww, that FUCKING HURTS!" She stands up and climbs out of ground zero. "I'm sick of this shit, I'm off to V, you sort it out yourselves!"

23. Tatoo climbs the Dharma compound bell tower and points to the sky, "The Plane, The Plane!" Oceanic Airlines flight 815 appears in the sky before exploding spectacularly. Mr Roarke warmly greets Jack on the beach, "Welcome to your FANTASY"

It later transpires that the Kahana is Captain Stubings boat and Kate becomes the new Cruise director....

42. If on Groundhog Day John Locke sees his shadow.... is it really his shadow? is it Jacob? is it the shadow of some unrevealed doppelgänger? is it a tame version of the smoke monster, playfully lapping at his heels? Is it really John Locke? Is it...???

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